I’d like to thank everyone who participated. All of the entries were hilarious. Alas, I could only pick one as the winner, but here are all the entries for your amusement!
Her lips felt thick, cold and wet, like a big mouth bass in the depth of winter solstice. - Kensana Darnell
Her heart sunk like a lead ball in water. - Nicole Zoltack
Her eyes were as green as a frog. - Nicole Zoltack
She was just like my mother except I wanted to hump her. - Arnold Lopes
His teeth rattled like that equipment that construction workers use on the road. - Nicole Zoltack
After being shot, Jackson danced along the dark path like Blackbeard with his wooden leg on fire - Joy Wisley
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. - Martha Eskuchen
Tears welled in her eyes like a well. - Nicole Zoltack
Her eyes lit up like headlights with a 300lb mule deer caught in them, which was pretty surprising since she was such a dim bulb between the ears. - Desiree Lee
And the winner is….
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. - Martha Eskuchen
Yay, Martha! Thanks for sending in the absolute worst analogy and thank you again to everyone who participated.