Friday, May 15, 2015

Writing myself happy: Day 4

Today's happy thought is about making good food choices. Yesterday I decided to avoid the fatty, sugary junk food that beckons when I'm stressed. Much to my surprise, this made me feel better not only emotionally but physically too. Eating veggies, fruits and quality sources of protein and fat gave me the energy to stay positive through a challenging day. And I was proud of myself for exercising self-discipline...not something I've been doing lately. I guess there's a lot of merit to that whole "Strive for Five" thing. Why then is it so hard to do, LOL?

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Writing myself happy: Day 3

In all forms of art, there is this myth of the tortured genius cranking out paintings or music or manuscripts. I can tell you for a fact that Van Gogh painted nothing when he was manic or depressed. I can also tell you it's the same for me. I've been blocked, not by a lack of ideas, but by a lack of caring for myself or my muse.

Taking a moment to every day to think of something happy and positive is already working wonders. I'm sleeping better, I've been kinder to myself and my mood is already more stable.

And now for the big win: Today, I started writing again.

Maybe there is something to this daily meditation thing, however you choose to do it.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Writing myself happy: Day 2

It's hard to stay positive when positivity isn't my default setting. It's even harder to fight my natural pessimism when my entire day yesterday was spent putting out fires I did not start. However, I'm going to call that my winning thought for today:
Kudos, Cindy, for cleaning up other people's messes and doing it with a smile on your face...even if that smile wasn't genuine.

Hey, scientists have proven that even forced laughter lifts your spirits. Fake it till you make it, baby.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Writing myself happy: Day 1

F**K you, forty-one.

Whew...I'm glad I got that off my chest. Though my forty-second birthday is still three months away, I've decided I have to put forty-one behind me. The year started with my fourth miscarriage and that wasn't even the toughest thing I had to deal with over the past nine months. There's been so much personal upheaval: forty-one brought betrayals, illness, depression, multiple failures and my return to an evil day job. It was time to face the fact that my writing career has gone nowhere, at least not in terms of monetary success. In October of 2014 I put on my big-girl pants and re-entered the workforce for the sake of my family's financial stability.

Yeah, forty-one has sucked. Big time. All these challenges have led to some pretty unhealthy behavior and depression looms large on the horizon. That stops today.

In high school I read an article by an artist who began her career by using drawing to battle depression. Every day she would get up and draw a self-portrait of herself. In the first one she looked haggard, exhausted and miserable. But she vowed to keep doing one self-portrait a day until she "drew herself happy." She finally achieved her goal several months later, but kept doing the portraits anyway. What an amazing way to pull oneself out of the depths of despair.

While it's true I do possess the ability to draw portraits, writing has always been my first love. I decided today to write myself happy. I will write one good thing about myself today and everyday.

Here's my pat on the back for 5/12/2015: I did yoga this morning even though I really didn't feel like doing it. Way to go, Cindy!

What tomorrow will bring--or even an hour from now--I don't know, but I'm going to do my best to be here NOW and the rest will work itself out. I have to believe that.